Do you have an Upper Limit Problem?

by Amy Slattery

What are Upper Limits?  

I've just finished listening to The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks...I loved it!  So much so that I began to drive my business partner Jodie crazy with my claims of "wow its my Upper Limit" "it's your Upper Limit" "its his/her Upper Limit!

Gay's book talks about how every single one of us carries with us entrenched, unconscious ideas of just how happy and successful we can be.  These ideas can lead to self-sabotage in all aspects of our lives.

I likened it to the stories of the lottery instant millionaires, the ones who came from nothing or were struggling to suddenly finding themselves flushed with cash...more than they could have ever dreamed of.  That is the problem they never thought they were 'entitled' to have so much money and that is then when you hear the stories of some lotto winners losing it all, or even ending up worse off and in total debt!  They reached their Upper Limit!

Do you ever hear yourself saying things like "I always find the same girl/guy", "I don't know where my money goes", "oh my business isn't worth that much", I never have enough time or money".  Maybe these are instances of reaching your Upper Limit?

So why do we do this to ourselves?

We all have this little gauge (sometimes voice) in our heads that determines how much love, happiness and success we allow ourselves to enjoy and this is normally established when we are young.  Once this is set it can hold us back from enjoying all the love and success that is ours!

Now how does this all work and what can we do about it?  Like anything I believe it all starts with awareness, so Gay details that the Upper Limit Problem is set around 4 hidden barriers:

1.    Feeling Fundamentally Flawed

This can be a really big barrier - you have a belief that you are flawed in some way, so the fear is that if you start to use your talents, you could fail, so you tend to just play it safe with small 'risks' so at least if you so try something and fail it is only a small set back.

2.    Disloyalty & Abandonment

Here you have a feeling that if you succeed "it would cause you to end up all alone, be disloyal to your roots and leave behind the people from your past"

Gay gives a couple of questions you can ask yourself to find out if this is one of the barriers you have:

"Did I break my families spoken or unspoken rule to get where I am?"

"Did I fail to meet the expectations my parents had of me?"

I the above questions brought about a yes then you might feel more and more guilty the more successful and happy you become, the guilt then makes you stop and holds you back.

3.    Believing that More Success Makes you a Bigger Burden

You might be thinking that doesn't even make sense!  How can success be a burden?  Gay gives a personal example of this one that sums this barrier up so well "This barrier held one of the biggest challenges for me. When I was born, I was greeted with two mixed messages: You’re a burden, and you’re a celebration. I was a burden to my mother, but a cause for celebration to my grandparents. My father had died a few weeks after my conception, leaving my mother with $300, my older brother to raise, and me in the womb. Starting out my life as a combination of burden and celebration caused me to repeat this combination often in adult life. I would have a positive breakthrough, then immediately start feeling I was a burden on the world. But the guilt I felt for being a burden was for crimes I hadn’t committed. If we remove the guilt of the crimes our parents and siblings convicted us of before we walked into kindergarten, we are liberated from the Upper-Limit Problem"

4.    The Crime of Outshining

This barrier comes with the worry and guilt that if I succeed I would outshine someone else and that would make him or her feel bad.  A good example is seen with children, parents can unconsciously pass on a thought that if once child is more gifted they should turn down their success so that they don't outshine the other family members.  This can then carry on to adulthood, you might see it more in adults where they are still very successful but really play down their success and don't talk about it.

So spend sometimes looking a situations and thought, is it an Upper Limit Problem?  Spend some more time on looking at where that really comes from, so be aware, find the root cause, understand it and don't let is top you from reaching your full potential for love, success and happiness!

Live life by design... not by default!

7 Things I Learn't Running A Half Marathon!

by Amy Slattery

One of my 'dare to dream goals' over the past couple of years was to complete a marathon (yep I know what you are thinking...why!!).

I had this crazy idea that I was destined to be a 'runner', I was going to be one of those people that just loved to go running, and at the drop of a hat (or crack of dawn alarm) they would bounce out of bed in the morning throw on their amazing running gear (which included some sort of high tech running app) and just start the day with a lazy 10kms.  This was a nice dream, however like most dreams it kept nudging me in the back of the head that running could be my 'thing'.

So one day enlightened by a couple of friends at the gym I signed up for my first 1/2 marathon (it still counts!), honestly thinking that with such a big goal locked in I would surely follow the training required to complete the 21km run.

Now I know you are thinking that I was extremely dedicated and started following the plan and began a running regime to rival Kathy Freemen...unfortunately not the case!  I did try, I had 3 runs leading up to the big day with 1 around 11kms that felt pretty good (I'm not completely crazy I do keep myself relatively fit with netball and crossfit) however I decided I just wasn't going to think about the run until the day...and I couldn't get out of it, as with all things I try to multi-task and had managed to raise around $600 for Muscular Dystrophy - yep no getting out of it now!

So on the day I really made sure I had my head right with self talk such as "you are going to be ok...you wont die", "you can walk if you need to", "you can cry all you want" and "you can ask for help".  So with all this positive reinforcement I got started...and guess what...I didn't die!!  In fact I actually enjoyed it, finished in 1/2 hr earlier than I thought and didn't suffer too badly over the next few days!

I even learn't a few things along the way:

1.    Plenty of time to think of hilarious hashtags

A couple of hours really does give you some time to think about what's been going on in your life and work.  What is the next move, what other goals can you reach after this.  What I wanted to focus on or revisit in my life and the business, I can relate the to meditation - giving yourself that time for thoughts to float in and out.

2.    Your mind is crazy powerful!

I really did talk myself into getting this run done!  I made a decision that I was going to finish the run...and I decided that I wasn't going to stop or walk any of it.  I visualised myself finishing the race and celebrating with my friends and husband (even images of his smiling face proud to see me at the finish line), I have done this before with all kinds of goals and situations and I am still surprised at how well it works.

3.    Music is a great distraction.

Talk about a distraction - a good playlist is the ultimate distraction!  It got me thinking about distractions in general - positive and negative, if a good playlist could pass 2 hours then what were the other distractions in my life that allowed time to fly by?  Is television, social media, tiredness, fear for example a distraction that stops you from getting where you want?  Or is that playlist, the one that keeps repeating in your head not such a good one and it's holding you back?

4.    Gratitude

Needless to say I had a fair amount of time to think - so I spent some of it just going through the things I was grateful for, sometimes I don't do that enough (when I have so much to be grateful for).

5.    Dreams do come true

It might have seemed pretty crazy to jump into a big run with little to no training, but I knew in my gut I would be ok, I knew other things I had done in terms of fitness would get me through.  So while I believe in setting goals, evaluating risk and having a rough plan in place, sometimes you have to just go with blind faith and see what happens!

6.    There are times when you want to stop

We ALL have moments in life - whether a split second or longer that we just want to stop, stop the merry go round, stop the roller coaster, just STOP! Sometimes we do need to stop, take a moment and get back on track.  However the main thing to consider is why do you want to STOP...is it coming from a place of fear?  If that fear is real and not just False Expectations Appearing Real then of course stop, but if you are honest with yourself and at that moment you are behaving out of fear then ask the tough question...WHY?

7.    The Ultimate Confidence is what you have in YOU!

I believe this is the key, if you think you can't...you are right, if you think you can...you are right!  If you find yourself lacking in confidence then focus on what you can do to build that within yourself.

So the new dare to dream goal is a Full Marathon....one day!

Live life by design...not default!