I want what she's having...

 

by Amy Slattery

Sound familiar?  Of course the line “I'll have what she’s having” was made famous by the movie When Harry Met Sally, however I found it became a regular comment I used to joke about wanting what someone else had ‘because that would make me just like them’ so there was the familiar "I want what she's having".

Its taken me awhile to move past the need to have the right ‘things’ to create change in my life (you know the voices in your head that convince us…when I have the right workout gear, car, house, partner etc. I will be fitter, healthier, smarter, more people will like me…essentially I will be happier).

Of course in reality we know having the right gear alone wont make us happier (deep down), but it's even easier to then rationalise in our minds with excuses or blame as to why that new car you bought had to started to loose its shine after a the initial thrill wore off.

It really is interesting to me that over the past 18 months of working with clients at The 7 Effect I am hearing a similar phrase “oh but that’s you…I couldn’t do that”, “I’d love to do what your doing...but (insert excuses)”.  So I’ve recently found myself thinking wow some people out there want what I’m having??

I am very excited to say that I am having the best time of my life right now, and its not the money or things that are doing it.  It is that I am truly HAPPY (and its not the "oh no, now that i've reached this place what bad things will follow") and I feel that it's resonating with people I come into contact with each and every day.

But the thing is...there wasn’t a magical pill (dammit), its taken work, sometimes confronting and hard work, but it truly is worth it.

The majority of my working life had been in hospitality with the adage “if you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean”, in that the harder you worked the more successful you would be which is how a lot of us are brought up – the more successful you are in life the happier you will be.  If I can just get that qualification, that new job, move into that house/suburb, loose 5kg then I will have reached success and I will definitely be happy.

Unfortunately or fortunately (however you choose to look at it) findings are that happiness actually drives success.  When we are happy we have more energy, we are more motivated, engaged and productive.

Have you ever noticed when challenges come your way it can sometimes lead to a vicious cycle of depression, anxiety, stress or sadness?

I've had those times in my life…I had a period over 2008/2009 where my 7 year relationship ended and my father was diagnosed with myeloma only to pass away 2 months after the diagnosis, it was a horrible time and I completely fell into a dark hole of depression…I wasn’t eating or sleeping and an overwhelming sadness took hold of me.  It didn’t take me long to realise this would not be a sustainable place to stay!  So I set some goals to get myself outta there!

Knowing what I want and the ability to set goals and work towards them is one of the main tools that has lead me on my path to happiness!

I have mostly been a positive person through out my life…but there was always that ‘worrier’ side to me that I've worked on and has now also changed, as it really was the white noise in my head about things I really had no control over that I was worrying about in the first place!

I believe that a true sense of happiness makes us more resilient and stronger to the everyday challenges life brings us, so why not set yourself a goal to work on those aspects of your life when and where you are happiest?

When I get the comments “oh but that’s you” or “I couldn’t do that”, I can confidently reply with yes you can…but you are going to need to get real with yourself and make it a focus.

At the moment I am listening to The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor which I am loving and would highly recommend!  The best part?  He has 7 Actionable Principles he shares to help capitalise on this advantage of happiness (how about that…would you believe there are 7).

What I was really excited about most is that I am already utilising some of the principles naturally – you might be too!

The ones that resonate with me are:

• Falling Up – when those negative moments in life happen I am well aware of finding a path out and up and how that event can make me stronger.  This completely rang true for me last month when I had a miscarriage.  The extreme happiness high to a heartbreaking low was devastating, however it wasn’t the end of the world and I found myself comforted in taking the positives out of the situation (knowing that I can fall pregnant and it was a trial run!)
• The Zorro Circle – this is a no brainer for me over the number of years of setting goals and working towards them.  At times of chaos I can reign things in by focusing on small, manageable goals getting stronger and stronger.
• Social Investments – this is where I excel ha-ha, I really do invest a lot of time and energy in my friends, peers and family.  Not only for times of need, but when those times do come up, I have one of the most amazing support networks anyone could wish for.

Shawn mentions that all 7 principles are important, however “research has shown that the 7^th one, Social Investment is perhaps the most crucial to long term happiness, health and success”, GoodThinkInc.

So what are you doing in your life to increase happiness?

1.    Start to look at the signs, thoughts and feelings that come up when a negative event happens in your life.

2.    Set some goals around your social networks, spending quality time with family and friends (really connecting, not just looking at a screen of some sort while your all in the same room).

3.    Set yourself a 30 day challenge of a positive activity (exercise, meditation, journaling etc.

4.    Look at the balance of positive to negative influences in your life…you might need to have some tough conversations with people or reduce the time spent with them?

The world can be a tough or wonderful place depending how you choose to look at it, the benefits of being happier and having a positive mindset really can lead to success.  We always have a choice so choose to be happy!

Live life by design…not but default!