By Amy Slattery
It can be a bit of a confronting question
as it's pretty easy to come out with “I don’t care what people think!” but when
it really comes down to it…do you? Do
you really?
Why do you think we are so concerned with
what people think of us? Unfortunately
some of the things we work though today are hard wired from too long ago to
think about it, the need to be liked goes all the way back to the times of
tribes…where literally if you were an outcast you could be excluded from the
group and in those times alone could mean DEATH!
So its not unnatural to have the fear of
acceptance and hence worrying what other people think of you, however if the
fear is debilitating or stopping you from success or living to your full
potential then its time to ask your self WHY!
When the fear of being judged, laughed at,
talked about or excluded is there it can stop you from grabbing opportunities
that come your way (sometimes stopping to think about what others will think
can lead to an opportunity passing you by).
This can be true for things that bring us success even in times of
wealth, money can be that dirty word sometimes – will people think I’m a snob
if I earn a certain amount, live in a certain suburb, drive a certain car. You can see how this can become a problem!
We focus a lot on goals at The 7 Effect and
this fear really can stop people from achieving their goals…or setting goals
around what other people will think, which tends to mean small and easily
achievable goals.
You’ve probably heard that the number 1
fear for human beings is speaking in front of groups, this is before death
which comes in at number 5 and loneliness coming in a number 7! Which is scary to think that we are less
afraid of dying all alone compared to the odd chance we might make a fool of ourself in front of
others.
So although we have this hard wired aspect
to ourselves there are things we can do!
Like most things the first step is self
awareness – just stopping to ask yourself why you are feeling a certain way in
situations can be a great start, than uneasy ‘gut’ feeling we sometimes have is
a great physical symptom to get you to stop and access what is really going on.
Focus on what in life do you value? Getting clear on your values not only helps
with that gut feeling of decision making but also the clearer you are, the more
you will focus on what matters, if one of your values is happiness, focusing on
that and why it’s a value can in turn stop you from worrying about how others
see you in the happiness space.
Now’s the harder part – stop worrying about
what others think! Yikes how do I do
that? I’ve come across people who will ask everyone they know for their opinion
before making a decision, we all have the answers within us so why take a survey
of all your friends before you make a decision?
This can also have a negative
affect on your friendship, if you then don’t take that persons advice
(because you’ve asked around until you’ve found the answer you wanted) they
might feel affronted “why did they bother asking me if they weren’t going to
follow my advice?” that’s a whole other
blog so wont go into too much there!
This is going to be hard at first – but
like anything the more your awareness grows, the more your confidence grows and
you’ll probably find you start caring less about what others think when it
comes down to it. This is of course not
in a cold hearted way at all (that’s again worrying that other people will
think you aren’t caring and compassionate…the thing is if they are thinking that
its really nothing you can do about it, that ball falls in their court and
their belief system).
So to leave you with some actions:
- 1.
Don’t ignore that gut feeling
when a new opportunity comes your way
- 2.
Ask yourself WHY you feel that
way?
- 3.
Does that feeling serve or
hinder you?
- 4.
Look to yourself for the answer
rather than others
- 5.
Get clear on your values and
make them a focus
- 6.
Let people see the real you
- 7. Be kind to yourself! People will always have an opinion but the key is choosing what you do with that opinion!
“Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Dr.
Seuss
Live life by design, not by default!
